20 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married

re: 20 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married

ahriman2000 — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 16:25:06 GMT

how about his/her stand on homeschooling, vaccination, and fluoridated water?

re: 20 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married

pinkskittles — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 14:35:16 GMT

just go with the flow :o)

if it feels right, do it. your gut knows best.

not everyone agrees on certain things: having kids, prenuptual agreements, etc. --so get the technical stuff out of the way first and then just go with it.

too much planning will drive people mad.

if you're happy then that's all that matters. everyone has their problems.

just go with the flow!... that kinda attitude has always worked out for me, then again, maybe i'm just lucky.

re: 20 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married

alm260 — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 12:39:51 GMT

Marriage is based on committment, effective communication and humbleness on both sides.

I am so blessed to be married to my best friend for 13 years now. We were in our early 20's when we met in college. We were good friends for years, taking time to build a relationship built on friendship instead of lust. We dated for several years before we were engaged and then waited another year to be married. We needed to do this in order to build a solid foundation for marriage. We both gleened experience from being in counseling individually and together. My husband's mother had been married three times and he wanted to do his research about what a real family looked like so that he wouldn't end up divorced himself. I had been abused as a child and had to work through those issues in counseling so I would not be co-dependent on my husband emotionally.

We had a lot of disagreements and fights when we dated, but by the time of our premaritial counseling, our counselor was so impressed with our relationship. She had great confidence that we would have a solid marriage. My husband and I hide nothing from each other. We talk about everything and rarely fight. Our marriage is based on our faith in Jesus Christ and the Bible and He is at the center of relationship. He makes all the difference!

My heart breaks because I think so many young people are disillusioned because of the lust Hollywood portrays in movies. They think they love someone, and they don't even know that person. Many people come from dysfunctional homes where they are looking to another human to meet all their emotional needs and they think this will be resolved when they get married. When the hard times hit, then they want a divorce. I see it too often.

re: 20 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married

An Observer of Life — Sun, 21 Oct 2007 02:59:55 GMT

Most of what Oprah said are details that change in a person as they grow themselves. Kids change everything, No matter how much you try to prepare to get along with someone thoughts and feelings change but respect, communication and admiration will always be there if you create a nice foundation with trust and by letting the other express their voice. The reason why most people give up on marriages is frustration when there is no mutual understanding (communication). No relationship is perfect and as the future approaches we are all getting use to quick fixes and getting our own way -PRIDE is unimportant when you are dealing with family.

re: 20 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married

Mercola Fan — Sat, 20 Oct 2007 22:23:01 GMT

Why the sudden interest in marriage articles, Dr Mercola?....will we be hearing some wedding bells?? : )

re: 20 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married

netvvolf — Sat, 20 Oct 2007 18:34:53 GMT

I'm thinking this website would make a great place to meet a partner who is active, intelligent, and health-minded individual - something we have in common. Has anyone met someone special through this site?

re: 20 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married

webwitch6 — Sat, 20 Oct 2007 17:33:44 GMT

My marriage started out as a convenience for both parties but we had an attraction for each other. I cant say we understand each other all that well. We always agreed we didnt want kids.

The attraction is still there, (18 yrs) we have somewhat blended forms of healthcare, we do not agree on pets, ( I have too many for his taste) and he became a vegetarian about 5 years ago, ( I have been one for 22 years or so,) He was headed for a nasty case of alcoholism based on living with my mother, so we upped and moved 3000 miles away and he hasnt had a drink in 2.5 yrs. He runs to a doctor for every little thing that I think is stupid but when he got chest pains last year I had to hog tie him to get him to an emergency room., (it was gas.,) Maybe I overreacted.

I love my fully paid for no mortgage mobile home in a forest and he longs for a condo in NY and a new car. I am not sure what has made it work, maybe not finding anyone as strange as we are keeps us together, but I cant imagine my life without him.

re: 20 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married

pisces — Sat, 20 Oct 2007 15:07:11 GMT

Along the same line as "how does your mate treat your parents", is assessing how dysfunctional your prospective family might be. For instance, my brother, altough he won't admit it, can't get over his first divorce (there were two). He rationalizes every detail of daily life to support his decades long disdain for feminism. My sister, on the other hand, as much as I love her, too, keeps sending me email snip-its about men bashing jokes. Some of them are actually quite funny. One or two of them here and there is cute; 20 of them at a clip is bordering on pathologic, and she is in her 50s, never been married, and wonders why Mr. Right hasn't come along.

As the black sheep of the family, the one who kept pushing the counseling envelope in the family (indeed, both parents and both siblings gave up with it figuring that they'd gotten enough of the message), I became ever more fascinated with it and the protection mechanisms that we all design. It wasn't so much that everyone in two generations of my family was somehow steered toward aligning with the wrong people, like bad karma; I think it was more that we were brought up not being able to take responsibility for our own actions and emotions and then, when 'stuff' came up, it was easier to blame the person nearest us. I think when we are able to do that (accepting responsibility), we can solve any problem with almost anyone. And, (it gets better), if the person you are dating/marrying is on the same page and can at least try to overcome that tendency to project his/her stuff onto you, and know why it is necessary to do so, I think that is a basis for a sound relationship. Then we have a chance to see everyone else as beautiful because we've lifted that ugly veil that has obscured our vision for so long. Baggage in a relationship is not the problem; it's not realizing who's name is on who's suitcase.

All that said, and after my two divorces, I'm still looking ........ although I think my glasses are a bit clearer.

re: 20 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married

LibertarianHippie — Sat, 20 Oct 2007 14:51:48 GMT

It is amazing to me how people can stay married for 50+ years to the same person. They must be doing something right.

A lot of people these days stay married for the wrong reasons, maybe they got married and were in love but not anymore. It is probably pretty hard to say goodbye to someone you know everything about especially if they are financially supporting you and your children.

re: 20 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married

neo — Sat, 20 Oct 2007 07:19:33 GMT

Question 1:

www.pointsincase.com/.../8-8-07.htm

What percentage of our income are we prepared to spend to purchase and maintain our home on a monthly or annual basis?

I pay the mortgage, the utilities, the cable and the groceries. You’re responsible for paying for the unimportant ***—like furniture and children.Question 2:

Who is responsible for keeping our house and yard cared for and organized? Are we different in our needs for cleanliness and organization?

Okay ***, first off, that’s two questions. Play fair or don’t play at all. Second off, you clean the inside, I clean the outside. Oh, and as goes that last question, if we are not different in our needs for cleanliness and organization, then you are one dirty whore. And I’m sure that’s part of why I love you.

Question 3:

How much money do we earn together? Now? In one year? In five years? Ten? Who is responsible for which portion? Now? In one year? Five? Ten?

Don’t worry about it. Just shut up and enjoy dinner. You don’t need to worry about where I got the money for it. What’s important is that we love each other. So shut up.

Question 4:

What is our ultimate financial goal regarding annual income, and when do we anticipate achieving it? By what means and through what efforts?

Our ultimate financial goal is to afford your future botox injections, fake breasts, fake lips and tummy tucks without going into debt. Fortunately, we got a few years before you start to sag so it’s cool. Oh, and don’t worry about how I make my money. That’s none of your concern.

Question 5:

What are our categories of expense (rent, clothing, insurance, travel)? How much do we spend monthly, annually, in each category? How much do we want to be able to spend?

*** look, why do all these questions have to do with money? I’m starting to think you’re a gold digger. If you’re so damn concerned with cash, then why don’t you get a real job and pay for your own implants? Ingrate

re: 20 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married

mf_203 — Sat, 20 Oct 2007 05:43:58 GMT

Am I missing something here? It says "20 Questions To Ask....". I'm only seeing 5 questions.

re: 20 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married

Alaskadude — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 17:05:13 GMT

This is partly good in that successful marriage comes down to the nitty gritty little choices we make every day BUT

If we had to wait until we were "ready" to be married or have kids for that matter, who would be married or have kids? And who has it all figured out ahead of time?

re: 20 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married

Dex — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 14:43:38 GMT

How about: How resilient are we to change? Unexpected, unanticipated, and unwelcome changes are the standard fare, no matter how prepared you are for the future. A good game plan has to be adaptable to changing circumstances. Stay in love through it all.

Here's an article for making it work from the other side of the altar:

LearningLove.com/MarriedCouple.html

re: 20 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married

Vicki Marie — Sun, 30 Sep 2007 02:34:42 GMT

I have to say that this list did surprise me.

What happened to love, honesty, respect, integrity? If you both have these things you can work any problem out. You may ask these questions while thinking of getting married but circumstances can and will change. Most likely, your character and values will not change.

Don't marry someone you can live with but marry someone you cannot live without. Be honest with your future spouse and more importantly, be honest with yourself.

re: 20 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married

Arizona — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 19:21:56 GMT

Reese,Samuari and KAC..... don't you wish you knew those things before you got married!!!! I agree 200%