Why Nerds are Unpopular, Part 1 (of 2)

re: Why Nerds are Unpopular, Part 1 (of 2)

Sandi$gems — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 21:46:28 GMT

I have seen the bullying that can go on both in school and the workplace. I have a friend who because of a hearing problem was picked on by her peers until she was forced to quit. I have found through decades of observing people that bullies always have to have 'followers' to support them. And they will always find weak individuals who want to be liked so much they will abandon any scruples they possess to egg on the bully if he/she will only let them hang around them. In school I desired intellect above friends, though I wanted to be popular. I wasn't unpopular because I was smart. I was somewhat unpopular (more like just invisible) because I lacked confidence. Some of the most popular kids in my school were also the smartest. What they had over nerds was confidence in themselves, their abilities and their goals. A lack of confidence can be the biggest factor in holding someone back in life whether they are smart 'nerds' or not. Find your strength and follow it without regard to the opinions of others. Those who would sneer at your efforts are usually lacking in their own intelligence or social graces.

re: Why Nerds are Unpopular, Part 1 (of 2)

ShadowMyth — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 20:03:42 GMT

It is no different in the human population from the natural order of nature...those who are physically weak are tortured. Because nerds are always into their books and learning, they almost always neglect their physical selves. This includes not only their clothes and appearance, but nutritional needs, and exercise. I have found that those who are nerds, but also are into physical activity tend to be more popular. I myself am very popular in whatever crowd I tend to hang in, and I am indeed a nerd, but also very physical and health conscious.

re: Why Nerds are Unpopular, Part 1 (of 2)

jstreet — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 15:39:17 GMT

The odd thing is that school is supposed to be for doing what nerds do and sports are supposed to be for recess and after school.

How is it possible to get to a place where the people who don't do what the school was created for in the first place, have the highest status IN THE SCHOOL and the people who do what the school was created for have the lowest status?

It is as if the atheists in church run the choir, take all the money from the collection and preach from the pulpit.

Or, it's like going to acting school to learn to play bit parts knowing that the people who look good but can't act any character but their own get all the best parts.

In school, I was a gifted athlete and a nerd too, so I didn't have to suffer from this particular problem but I saw almost everyone else suffering from it, and it was a sad and bewildering sight, as it still is even when seen from the outside.

The adult world seems to be just about the same, where the rich and powerful take the place of the athletes, the stakes are higher and the cruelty deeper. The nerds and truth seekers are lied to, sometimes tortured and sometimes have to literally fight for their lives (war.)

re: Why Nerds are Unpopular, Part 1 (of 2)

human freedom — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 23:58:17 GMT

RIGHT ON! Brazil123

re: Why Nerds are Unpopular, Part 1 (of 2)

human freedom — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 23:55:54 GMT

Most of the GEEKS I knew in grammer school/college, became good in management in jobs or started thier own business, Reasons? possisitive family unit and gain control within themslves. I was not considered 'A' NERD/Geek, I think I was blessed with a kind heart, I was popular w/all(jocks ,straight A students, all colors and low ladder types. Thank God that I'm around family and friends who consider every living soul inportant as themsevles.

re: Why Nerds are Unpopular, Part 1 (of 2)

nurse liddell — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 17:50:59 GMT

hi all, i want to point out one glaring omission in this fine article. adults do indeed OFTEN engage in vicious bullying and "mobbing" as it is known, especially in the workplace. bullying is successful behavior. it's easy and it works. makes the bully feel safe, powerful, at least temporarily. it's addictive. the people who shoot their co-workers at the office are driven crazy by gangs at work who have been tormenting them, sometimes for years, with character assasination, sabotage, etc. The reason this got famous at the post office is that we have only one; you can't go get a job at some other post office. especially when you have seniority and pension to lose, and a family. adults gang up, under a sick, manipulative bully leader and torture other adults regularly in America, Canada, and the UK. i know they all have numerous websites supporting the "targets" as they call them, (wanting to avoid the word "victim"). in fact though, words aside, being tortured in this way causes heart disease, suicide, alcoholism, cancers, financial ruin, murder, you name it, and i call that being victimized. the real culprits (as with the Catholic church) are management, who fire the victim, turn a blind eye to all this, and value and reward the sociopathic agressor. because the bully (caught in his cycle of fear-driven, repetative behavior) is an expert suck-up. his skills were learned in grade school and have become addictive habits. AGAIN: ADULTS DO VERY OFTEN BULLY AND HARASS OTHER ADULTS, in the workplace and elsewhere. it's common to the point of ubiquitous.. do not feel like there's something wrong with you if this is happening. Get on the web and google this, then find or start a support group, educate your bosses with material from the web. there are many good books on the subject now. it is a fact that "only the brightest and best get bullied." because they pose a threat to the low self esteem of the bully. AGAIN: MANAGEMENT MUST BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE

re: Why Nerds are Unpopular, Part 1 (of 2)

Jea — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 13:20:51 GMT

I think it's a nice defense for being unpopular, but humans innately need community. Many nerds are smart because they study to the extend they don't want to deal with socialization. Many have odd families that never clued them in on how to socialize. A healthy "nerd" should have a group of other nerds to socialize with otherwise he's at risk of becoming the next unibomber. To be isolated is the worst fate for the majority of us. (Think solitary confinement in prison!) We rely on each other for many things. Being a nasty self-absorbed person who happens to be beautiful and athletic isn't really "popular", it's just being beautiful and unattainable. I think this fascination is programmed into us as part of reproducing up the line of natural selection. The people we "like" are the people we can smile with and be comfortable with. The people who have the most true friends are truly popular regardless of whether they're nerdy or beautiful. The issues we face in high school are part of our growing process to realize all of life's truths. Unfortunately some people never grow up and mature emotionally! But fortunately most of do. eventually!

re: Why Nerds are Unpopular, Part 1 (of 2)

sue17 — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 14:02:00 GMT

The word "nerd" is disparaging...so why call students who excel in school and are not socially accepted by their peers "nerds"? The word "nerd" is merely a socially-ascribed label. We shouldn't use the word "nerd" openly and casually..as anyone reading this who may feel like they are considered a "nerd" could feel further ostracized....(not that I feel like a "nerd" but i am just speaking from a sociological point of view.)

re: Why Nerds are Unpopular, Part 1 (of 2)

heather2 — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 10:31:42 GMT

Wonderful article! Living here in the UK, there is debate among some of my friends as to whether it is better to let our children go to the local secondary school, which is reasonably decent but large, or letting our brighter children sit the exam for the nearest grammar/magnet school which is smaller and quite competitive. As someone who went to a grammar/magnet school in NYC in the 70s I prefer my bright child to have the option to be educated with people are actually interested in learning and teachers that are able to teach most of the time. 4th-6th grades were very unpleasant for me as I just didn't fit in, didn't know how (and later realised I was bored by what was rerequired). Going somewhere where it was cool to think, to read, where appearance wasn't all or the being up on the latest whatever was so liberating and joyous. It's an old debate: educate children all together or separate some out so they can really flourish, not only academically but socially by being allowed to feel comfortable in their skins.

re: Why Nerds are Unpopular, Part I

Hathorhetep — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 21:12:45 GMT

The ostracizing pains fade with time, but in my 50s i am still vulnerable (under my skin, so to say) when criticized in the same manner or for the same attributes ( not physically Euro-perfect looking, bad haircut, crooked glasses, etc.). If a child is 'picked on' in front of me for such things, I speak up - my kid learned not to do that, why haven't others?

TV reinforces picking on the nerds and academic geeks ( look at Alan in 2 1/2 Men, one of my favorite shows). Jeff Goldblum's characters in "Independence Day" and "Jurassic Park II", Will Smith in "I Am Legend", Gene Hackman in "The Conversation", and many other 'Manly Men' are portrayed in film and on TV as nerds who have an action adventure or two. The he-men i know who are intellectually rich and/or adept hide it most of the time when with 'normal' guys. How sad that a man is threatened by another's brain.

re: Why Nerds are Unpopular, Part I

Dr. S. — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 17:59:55 GMT

I can appreciate Naturalpath73's comments. I am a 50+ year old male with Asperger's Syndrome and I have always been considered a nerd. There are those of us who do not have the abilities to develop the social skills required by the general population to avoid their rejection. For example, I am acutely deficient in recognizing and interpreting subtle facial expressions and body language. The areas of my brain which would normally process these activities did not develop sufficiently and I have been unable to learn these skills. I have advanced degrees in the field of education and I stay abreast of the latest published research in the field and on Asperger's Syndrome, and, for adults with Aspergers, there is very limited success with any current treatment intervention, though some success is being found with treatment for some children with the condition. I have attempted throughout my life to be able to interact with others in ways they will accept, but, honestly, without much success. For me, success, professionally, has come from learning and developing artificial (to me) behaviors so that I am able to "act normal." The reality is that society is still very intolerant of those who are different. Thank you, California Girl, for the suggestion. I am hopeful that there will be reasonable tolerance for future generations of those who are different.

re: Why Nerds are Unpopular, Part I

yj4 — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 15:11:49 GMT

I'm glad the college works a bit differently. You can work to be popular, but if you don't the popular kids won't really notice or care. Most people are too busy with their own lives that they don't really care so much about ostrasizing (sp?) the little guy. Plus, my college I will go to has over 30k people. it's very easy to blend into the crowd here. Plus, I'd rather surround myself with the people who really matter and help me feel loved and accepted. That's why I love college. Sure, I could play the game and all, and I've thought about doing that, but it really is time consuming. I could learn to do it, I could take an acting class and I'm pretty good at reading people and knowing how to deal with people, but I wouldn't really have the time.

I am happy to say the in High School and Middle School I was never really made fun of much to my face or anything, maybe behind my back. I was basicaly ignored, but it was also a conscious choice. I never really tried to talk to people that were not very intelligent or interesting and just kept to my friends. I'm a somewhat attractive female, so that might have played a part in it. I don't really know if it happened to others, though.

re: Why Nerds are Unpopular, Part I

linnea56 — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 14:37:56 GMT

I was a nerd in high school, but I did learn how to work the system. I got tired of the rejection, and resolved to change it, without giving in on the academic front, nor by being cruel to others. I observed carefully what made the popular kids that way. I took Theatre classes in school and learned how to "act" like the popular kids. I devoted a summer to perfecting my strategy, then launched it that fall. Everyone wondered what had "happened" to me over the summer.

The biggest surprise was that I found that people were willing to turn their opinion around and like me as long as I was verbally and socially adept, dressed fashionably, etc. I did not have to act stupidly or hide my intelligence at all. There were only a few who resented the change, mostly the nerds in my former group. I willingly let them in on the "secret" but they either did not have the skills or the desire to do the same.

I never achieved the highest status (not being an athlete or a cheerleader), but moved myself to the upper 15%, which was more than enough. I have used those skills I learned that summer, ever since, to adapt to an audience and fit in in the workplace and elsewhere.

re: Why Nerds are Unpopular, Part I

naturalpath73 — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 09:42:17 GMT

"Now those same dolts have jobs with their names on their shirts, or they work for us, or both."

----------------

Although this is a nice, comforting notion (that we "nerds" - or our parents - tell ourselves in the midst of our suffering to make us feel better) - it unfortunately doesn't always work out like this. Sometimes, people are "nerds" because they suffer from some mental-ailment/mental-illness such as Asperger's syndrome, depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, or (in my case) severe social anxiety disorder. These mental illnesses can grow like weeds within a person's psyche as they progress into adulthood - and cruely confine the nerd to a miserable fate of not being able to translate their intellectual promise into life success. So there has been no sweet vindication for people such as myself - in fact, my "enemies" are the ones who are, or would be (when/if they find out my situation), vindicated. The aloof nerd who made them feel inferior bottoms out in life - rendered dysfunctional by her mental issues....that would be music to their ears.

So if some of these "dolts" are now working dead-end jobs that require nametags on their shirts - I'm right there with them. (That is, if I was able to work.) And in a cruel twist of irony - a lot of these "dolts" end up having jobs where I'm the one who would be working for them (and I'm so bottomed-out that it doesn't take them being a CEO for this to happen).

And even if things aren't this severe for a "nerd" - some nerds simply never acquire the social-skills that would enable them to become particularly successful. (One book that explores this issue is Daniel Goleman's "Emotional Intelligence".)

Life is vicious.

re: Why Nerds are Unpopular, Part I

MSeebeck — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 07:13:43 GMT

Yeah, it may have been unpopular to be a nerd, but we knew what we were doing.

Those that persecuted us too much were given wrong answers when they would beg for help.

Now those same dolts have jobs with their names on their shirts, or they work for us, or both.

"Blessed are the geeks, for we shall dominate the earth."