Stop Trying to Be Liked and Start Being You

re: Stop Trying to Be Liked and Start Being You

gls1950 — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 00:51:27 GMT

someone had started sending this newletter to me, & i checked it out...at first, i, at least read the newsletter articles. but, lately, i've read & expanded this reading, and there is a 'wealth' of information ! well worth delving into. Thank GOD someone has the "rastutiny" to offer this information to us (we, the people) no matter what others say, think, or try to stop this ! THANK YOU DR. MERCOLA !!!

re: Stop Trying to Be Liked and Start Being You

Magnolia — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 01:59:27 GMT

I think we may need to be reaquainted with the "real" us. We are all special and unique. The face we show to the world is not usually reflective of the "real" us. We learn to pretend to be other than we are in order to manipulate the behavior of others.

If we are afraid we won't be like, we pretend to be what we believe others would like us to be. That may be the one thing that keeps us in that prison; fear of being disliked or discounted.

Some folks are afraid of others getting "too close." They pretend to be rude and unkind to keep others at arm's length.

Everyone has some kind of strategy to protect areas that they feel might be ridiculed or disdained by other people. No one enjoys being mocked or made fun of.

Its ok to be who we are. Its healing to respect the real us.

re: Stop Trying to Be Liked and Start Being You

tripleclef — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 18:31:52 GMT

For years I worried about everyone liking me. If someone was not friendly or rude I took it personally. I thought and thought about this personality problem and one day I found the answer. I made a list of all the important people in my life and then tried to add anyone else I could think of. My answer came when I asked myself the following: if Hitler were alive would you want him to like you? It has been smooth sailing ever since I answered that question.

re: Stop Trying to Be Liked and Start Being You

Heather Marsh — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 13:51:59 GMT

A short personal story....

A few years ago while I was still sighting to remain in the workforce in spite of MS I had leave due to me. I was exhausted.

My husband's adult offspring had booked 4 weeks at a caravan park and 'invited' us to spend 2 weeks with them. When I said that I would like my husband and my daughter to go, but I would rather have two weeks by myself I was told that I was being selfish. My response was "and that is a bad thing ?"

I needed time to recharge - they wanted to recharge in their way. Far better to be at home and allow myself some much needed solitude rather than spend 2 weeks in bitter resentment!

re: Stop Trying to Be Liked and Start Being You

Heather Marsh — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 13:41:17 GMT

Oh- and as an aside, too many people seek approval or acceptance by taking responsibility for things they should not. I know because I was one of those people.

It took me a while (most of a lifetime) to realise that by trying to take the burden of responsibility upon myself I was disrespecting others. The definition of a mature responsible person is they take responsibility for their successes and failures, not someone else's. And they act instead of react.

It is something I wish I had learnt years ago.

re: Stop Trying to Be Liked and Start Being You

Heather Marsh — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 13:27:18 GMT

It is nice to be liked. It is even better to be respected and liked for yourself, which cannot happen if you 'put on a persona' which you think will be better liked.

It has taken a long time, but my step-daughter asked me a question about a contentious issue because 'Heather doesn't lie'. I don't quite fit into my step family in many ways - but I would rather be respected than act in ways that make me feel uncomfortable.

I do try to treat others the way I wish others would treat me, but I will also (now) not agree with someone simply to not make waves.

re: Stop Trying to Be Liked and Start Being You

Deborah.M — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 22:35:49 GMT

My advice is to try and stay true to yourself as much as possible. Make a practice of it and when you fail just pick yourself up and continue on again. Societal pressures and etiquettes get in the way of being yourself. The crazy thing about it is if you are never yourself you will only attract the phonies that you do not want to be. All you need is one person to accept you the way you are. God is fine but you also need someone in the flesh. They won't be able to find or recognize you if you don't practice being yourself. I hope that this is helpful advice for anyone reading this article. It's also something that I have personally practiced. My husband would have never married me if I was a "phonie". I do not have many friends but I have one great friend who I am also married to. As a side point my childhood was the pits and my parenst were emotionally unavailable but I never believed that I ever deserved the treatment I received.

re: Stop Trying to Be Liked and Start Being You

pinkskittles — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 21:44:34 GMT

Ghandi said something like "Happiness is when what you say and what you do are in harmony."

Not to be all "deep" and philosophical, but it's true. You simply can't live with yourself if you're living a lie to try to impress others.

Just be you, and happy about who you are.

re: Stop Trying to Be Liked and Start Being You

TWS500 — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 18:06:10 GMT

This is an important topic and the good Dr. puts it the right way - about us. The obverse is about others. In life I have learned to be very particular about the friends that I make. I like many others, but not everyone is a good person to associate with. The wide spectrum of people we come in contact with offers many possibilities. But be careful. Not everyone has good motives - and many are self-serving - some people just look good but are not good people... Some people are just toxic and it takes time to learn that. The "rely on your instincts" and "to thine own self be true" are good guiding principles. I have learned that if someone lies, avoid them. Also, vulgarity is an indicator of poor character. Be careful of toxic people, they can poison us...

re: Stop Trying to Be Liked and Start Being You

Africangirl — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 13:13:28 GMT

SunriderCeci,

All I can say is WOW! What a testimony.I will certainly be checking out the rest of your site when I have a chance.

I cannot imagine how anyone can live their lives without jesus as Lord.

Apologies to other Mercola readers... I know this is not supposed to be a religious forum, but somehow, we can't keep God out of the very things He has created...i.e. healthy food, etc!

re: Stop Trying to Be Liked and Start Being You

Pat Ormsby — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 01:57:22 GMT

"People pleasing" is probably a bad term for this. There is nothing wrong with doing things to please people. This is how we build a strong, healthy society. I have seen people take admonitions against "people pleasing" to an extreme where they become downright antisocial. I think it has led American society down the wrong path. It has glorified the sociopath who doesn't care at all about other people. We want to have the maturity to stand up for our principles plus the capacity to do a lot of nice things for other people while recognizing that they have every right to dislike us for their own good or bad reasons.

re: Stop Trying to Be Liked and Start Being You

natural harmonies — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 20:08:51 GMT

Be genuine and true to yourself. If people don't like you for who you truly are, then they really don't like the real you anyway. It is too much work to be fake, put on the facade, and live to make others happy all the time. I did that for way too many years. I always put others first and lived my life to make everyone else happy. Of course, I was miserable. Luckily by age 29, I figured out that I had enough. I took my life into my own hands. I decided to be myself, do what I needed to do for me, and pursue lifelong dreams, even though family didn't like it and were not supportive. I am now the happiest I have ever been. Along the way, I have lost friends, gained new friends, and maintained my true friends. Just be true to who you are. Love yourself and others will love you.

re: Stop Trying to Be Liked and Start Being You

crissy — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 16:26:58 GMT

God really loves me, and you! I don't have to worry whether someone likes me or not. I have nothing to prove. I just have to be myself. We are loved. Approval addiction and political correctness is a cancer that masks Truth. The Truth is God loves YOU! Have a great day!

re: Stop Trying to Be Liked and Start Being You

Jinny — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 15:27:07 GMT

It always amazes me that people usually do not like you because you do not do what they think you should do or you do not tell them what they want to hear.

If you do what others want and tell them what they want to hear who is happier? They are!

I have learned that what other people think and do is not my business. My business is what I do and if I am happy and happy with who I am!!

I believe some may not like you but when it comes down to it most will respect you. I guess you just have to choose what is more important to you.

When I first met my husband he did what everyone wanted him to do. He was such a conformist! I asked him what is it you want? and he looked at me as if I was crazy. Through the years I have encouraged him to express his need and desires. He has come a long ways and I respect him now more that ever! And he is much happier!

Be true to yourself!!

re: Stop Trying to Be Liked and Start Being You

SunriderCeci — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 15:12:50 GMT

I was rasied by a woman who taught me to be a flatterer, and lie to be liked. That philosophy led me into the arms of a murderer and rapsit........ you can read the story here. There is a bible verse that says, flattery works ruin, that exactly what happened to me. When I practiced the principals above, people of integrity came into my life.