As readers of my newsletter know, I have long said that suppressed emotions such as sadness and anger will severely limit one's ability to cope with the normal stresses of life. I am clinically convinced that the vast majority of heart disease and cancer is foundationally related to unresolved emotional conflict.

Because it is so important to your physical and emotional health to express your emotions, I am offering in this newsletter a self-help guide that teaches you ways to express your emotions about both current upsets and past hurts. This guide also outlines other ways to heal emotionally through self-empowerment and mutual support.

This "Self-help Guide to Wholehearted Living" was edited by clinical psychologist, Dr. Andrea Zojourner. She is a strong believer in support groups and this guide shows you just how to set up your own support groups with family or friends. For related articles on how support groups are an excellent tool for health see the following previous articles:

Support Groups Are Good for Your Health

Self Help Groups: Options for Support

Research on Self Help/Mutual Aid Groups

By Dr. Andrea Zojourner
E-mail: DrZojourner@msn.com

1) I Am Good. I Was Born That Way.

By nature I am lovable and intelligent, creative, cooperative, zestful and very able to live life wholeheartedly.

2) Living Life Wholeheartedly Begins With Learning To Really Love Myself.

I can love myself by taking complete responsibility for my thoughts, feelings and physical well-being. This means I will trust my own thinking and will always pay enough attention to what I know to be true for me.

This means I will allow myself to feel my feelings and I will take time for the release of emotional pain. This means I will treat my body respectfully: I'll arrange my life so that it includes good measures of relaxation and sleep, exercise, healthy nutrition and challenging work. Also I'll take time for creativity and lots of play.

And I'll Always Treat Myself With Understanding And Tender Appreciation -- especially when my life seems to be more of a replay of hurts from my past than a reflection of my potential. I'll let myself realize that I need never again settle for anything less than absolutely everything I want.

3) Living Life Wholeheartedly Also Involves Learning More About People I Know And Those I'd Like To Get To Know.

I can reach out to people of different race, ethnicity, gender, age, sexuality, and those with different abilities and different work backgrounds. (Until I find out how life is for all kinds of people, I won't really have "the big picture.")

And I'll speak up whenever anyone acts in ways that are insensitive to the dignity and worth of others, including children. It's helpful to remember that just about the way any of us learned to hurt someone else was by first having been hurt that way ourselves -- usually when we were young.

All of us would prefer to pass on fewer hurts than we've received. It's often just unhealed pain and some fear that get in the way of us regarding each other with affection and good will.

4) Developing Close Relationships With Others Is Also Very Important And Involves Taking Time To Really Listen To Others -- at home, at work and in groups I am associated with. I will build this into my life by arranging for frequent (daily or weekly) occasions to be with others for the purpose of simply listening to each other -- confidentially and without interruption or advice.

(Dividing the available time equally with one other person or several others is all it takes.)

During my turn I can first share what is going well in my life. Then I can talk about what is hard in my life. After that, I can say aloud some of the things I appreciate about myself. I'll also talk about what my goals are and decide what I'll do next to move toward those goals. I'll keep track of the time allotted for my turn, and when I notice that my time is almost up, I'll end by saying what I am looking forward to.

Getting Close To Others Also Involves Expressing Appreciations -- Sharing What We Like And Appreciate About Each Other.

Giving the children in my life similar kinds of attention and appreciation is also very important. I will try to spend at least five minutes a day paying good attention to each of the young ones in my life. I can ask them what's been good and what's been hard today for them. I can say in detail what I love about them and/or I can just offer a long hug.

5) When I Am Feeling Emotionally Upset, I Can Take Charge Of My Own Emotional Recovery. Exchanging Healing Time With Two Or More Other People Is Best but even one-to-one or over the phone exchanges can work well.

When the others are ready, the total time available for talking is divided into equal turns (from ten to thirty minute turns are usual). Everyone sits in a small circle facing each other and those whose turn it is to listen offer steady eye contact and warm, relaxed attention and just listen -- no interruptions or advice.

Of course, everything that's said in these sessions is confidential. This means neither during nor after a session do I ever bring up anything I've heard.)

When It Is My Turn To Talk, I'll Let Myself Both Talk About My Feelings And Feel My Feelings.

I'll begin by noting what is good in my life these days. Next, I'll move on to what is hard for me now and I'll let myself feel the feelings I am talking about. For example, if I feel sad, I will let myself cry or if I am angry I will let myself (safely) sound angry.

I will welcome allowing my body to outwardly show how I feel inside. This will help me release the painful feelings I have and is actually part of the body's' natural healing process. (Watch a baby to see how this process works.)

It Is Also Helpful To Ask Myself What My Current Painful Feelings Remind Me Of.

For what I am feeling hurt about now likely relates to times I have felt wounded and hurt in the past. If I have a long enough turn, I can remember earlier and earlier times in my life when I have experienced these very same kinds of feelings -- going slow enough through this to let my body feel the old feelings that come up.

When the emotional pain I am feeling seems similar to pain I felt when I was a child, I can take a few moments to think about myself when I was younger and felt this familiar pain and then say aloud to mental pictures of my younger self all the loving things I needed to hear back then from a caring adult.

I'll notice that after I've let myself feel my feelings, I'm often able to think more clearly. Whatever length of time my turn is, I make sure to consider what part of my distress is actually due to oppressive conditions which have affected me. It's also useful to recognize if some of my distress might come from mere fear about boldly doing what I need to do to make my life right for me.

The Final Part Of My Turn Will Always Be Spent Relaxing And Imagining How I Want My Life To Be.

I'll describe in detail what I would be doing and feeling from morning to night if my life were already just the way I've hoped it could be. I'll end by deciding what steps I will take this week to move in the direction of my dreams.

I'll keep track of my agreed upon length of time and will finish promptly when my turn is over. Very soon I will realize that being responsible for my own healing is quite empowering.

Do consider setting up this kind of healing time for yourself on a regular basis. This way of exchanging time to release feelings works well for all kinds of support groups.

Whether the participants are dealing with the same issue or with different issues, it's this healing process that is the common thread and we learn from hearing others use it. And by the way, people who are regularly doing these kinds of sessions have found that they are more able to feel their feelings the less they use unnecessary chemicals including alcohol, caffeine, nicotine and sugar -- all of which seem to numb feelings.

Also, everyone should consider getting a medical check up to find out if any emotional problems have a physical cause. Finally, do take advantage of a professional counselor's help if you think you could use some extra help or if you are thinking about hurting yourself or others.

6) I Have The Right To Challenge Everything That Oppresses Me -- to challenge all that holds me back from being the real me I'll figure out what could different in this world to make things better for me and determine just where I'd like to begin to make changes happen.

(Each of us is a leader and that includes me). I'll exchange support with others who have interests similar to mine. Together we can take bold and powerful action.

7) For Me, Living My Life Wholeheartedly Also Involves The Following Personally Important Priorities ..

(And I Can List Them Now....)

8) I Can Decide From This Moment On To Live My Life Wholeheartedly. It Is Entirely Possible.

Concluding Comment

Edited by psychologist and self-help advocate Dr. Andrea Zojourner. Adapted largely from the peer counseling movement.

Modifications and additions made in the editing process were based on Dr. Zojourner's professional PhD training and clinical practice and on her personal experience with both self-help support groups and traditional therapy.

"The Self-help Guide To Wholehearted Living' is an extremely valuable approach to meaningful living. It will serve an important purpose of people with a variety of viewpoints in taking charge of their lives. It really is an especially beautiful statement."

- Dr. Frank Reissman PhD Founder, National Self-help Clearinghouse, USA