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By Steve
Wells
After my initial breakthroughs
on self-acceptance I was interested to explore whether there were additional
insights and freedoms to be attained.
Around this time I read an
email post by Patricia Carrington entitled Self Acceptance Without Judgment
which detailed her findings in adjusting the self-accepting statement
to include the phrase "without judgment".
I tried this and found it quite
useful, and felt that it definitely added another dimension to the personal
work I was doing. I would recommend anyone who is exploring self-acceptance
issues also read Pat’s previous post and experiment with adding that
phrase to the self-accepting statement.
Each day I also receive several
positive quotes in my email inbox from various sources, and one day the
following Chinese Proverb arrived:
"Deal
with the faults of others as gently as your own."
When I read this I thought
"Wow, I don’t deal with my faults gently at all!" So I
tapped on ...
- "Even though I am tough
on myself ... ";
- "Even though I won’t
allow myself to have faults or make mistakes ... "
I followed my thinking through
several associations such as: "Making mistakes is important if I
am to learn the right way -- Because I have been so upset about making
mistakes, and down on myself for them, I have been less prepared to take
the risks necessary to achieve big things."
I realized this was another
way of getting down on myself, so I tapped on ...
- "I accept myself even
though I haven’t been prepared to take risks due to fear of making
a mistake ... ";
- "I accept myself even
though I have not achieved enough yet due to my fear of making mistakes ... "
All of a sudden I was transported
back in my mind to my Year 6 classroom where the motto was "If you’re
going to do something, do it properly", a guideline which the teacher
repeatedly implored us to follow.
GARY CRAIG
COMMENT: We all have loads of "writings on our mental walls"
like the above "truth" by Steve's teacher. They tend to guide
(and sometimes limit) us through life until we eventually question them.
EFT, as you can see, often elevates the quality of our thoughts so that
the absurd side of these "truths" becomes obvious.
STEVE CONTINUES: I immediately
did a round of tapping on this class motto, "Even though if you’re
going to do something you should do it properly, I fully and completely
accept myself".
This brought back memories
of the teacher’s exasperation with us when we failed to measure up,
it also allowed me to see the parts of the statement that do serve me
and how I also took on some meanings that didn’t serve me.
I then recalled a critical
incident in that classroom where I had received 49.5 out of 50 for the
weekly test - the highest mark anyone had achieved all year -- and
yet I copped a lot of criticism from both the teacher and my parents for
falling short by making a "silly mistake".
I reviewed this incident in
my mind and tapped on the parts that held negative emotional intensity.
I also applied tapping to the following thoughts:
- "Even though I made
a silly mistake ... ";
- "Even though their
criticism hurt ... ";
- "Even though I must
do things properly ... or else ... ".
After this I was able to go
back to my work and became quite productive. As my fear of making mistakes
had been relieved, I found myself no longer self-editing or self-critical
to the same degree. And over the next few weeks I realized that I was
able to achieve more in my work because I was no longer as fearful of
making mistakes.
Exercise
Number 3 for Self-Acceptance:
To take your own journey to
self-acceptance further, locate all the childhood experiences
where you learned that you were/are not acceptable and apply
EFT to them. Use Gary’s Run
the Movie Technique, where you turn the event into a 1-minute
movie and play it through frame-by-frame, stopping to tap
on any part of it that makes you feel intense, until you can
review the whole movie without experiencing the same emotional
intensity.
As you play the memories through,
try to identify the beliefs you learned or the generalizations you took
from the experience that are now limiting you and tap on those too. Put
each negative belief statement into the set-up statement and repeat the
entire belief statement at each tapping point. Keep tapping on this until
the belief statement feels less true. Follow the links to other incidents
and the thoughts that come up with them, applying tapping to each in turn.
Always finish by doing a round or two of tapping where you repeat the
entire self-acceptance phrase ("I accept myself deeply and completely")
at every tapping point.
Steve
Wells
EFT Contributing Editor
Co-Author, "Pocket Guide to Emotional Freedom"
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