|
By
Fintan Dunne
 The
U.S. in particular, and much of the developed world, is chronically
affected by a growing, largely undiagnosed condition known
as "dMD," or Delusional Medical Doctoritis.
Sufferers believe
they are doctors and often present with a convincing array
of pseudo-qualificatory paraphernalia obtained by undergoing
training in medical schools.
These unfortunate
victims persist in delusional activities, which may include
setting up and operating medical practices, seeing patients,
prescribing drugs and performing surgeries.
Sufferers have
an affinity for each other and often congregate. This results
in the characteristic appearance of "hospitals"
or "walk-in clinics," which take the form of buildings
located in urban centers.
This group cohesion
among sufferers can render dMD very hard to treat, as they
not only give each other awards and positions of responsibility
but attend what are termed "conferences." At these
events they can freely mingle with sufferers of the related
syndrome "dPC," or Delusional PharmaCorporitis,
which is characterized by an overwhelming need to develop
ineffective drugs.
 Both
groups can be very convincing and have managed to gain control
of U.S. medical care. In recent years, the synergy between
the two has led to the unnecessary death of 250,000 to 500,000
people in the U.S. annually.
Unsuspecting members
of the public are enticed into so-called "surgeries"
and then referred to the "hospitals," where streamlined
facilities for manslaughter and disposal of corpses are well
established and very efficient.
Diagnosis
Diagnosis is difficult,
as dMD sufferers can be hard to distinguish from actual healers.
However, telltale calluses on the palms ("golf-club hand")
and a predilection for driving German automobiles are regarded
as sufficient for a presumptive diagnosis.
 Much
debate surrounds the question of the primary causative agent
in dMD, but recent analysis (Regush et. al. 2002) implicates
an underlying attitudinal infection with medicomegalomaniavirus.
This is ubiquitous
in medical schools, is contracted by perhaps 90 percent of
attendees during training, and is thought to cause the brain
atrophy and the classic "conehead" triangulation
of the remaining brain tissue.
These unfortunates
leave medical school in a pseudo-qualificatory state and soon
succumb to "Reps Syndrome," wherein they are unable
to think at all except in the presence of drug sales representatives.
Treatment
In the absence
of a cure, current treatment for the condition focuses on
minimizing harm and providing regular small doses of reality.
Only minute doses are appropriate due to cognitive dissonance
and in order to avoid hepatic stress from the decomposition
of mental constructs.
With gentle counseling
and a supportive environment, sufferers can begin by vocalizing
simple phrases such as "I'll prescribe these ones--they're
cheaper" and eventually move on to more challenging statements
like "I have no idea what's wrong with you."
Even so, only a
minority will ever manage to make statements like "Chemo
will just kill you quicker" or "If it doesn't work
I'll give you your money back."
 No
patient has, as yet, completed treatment in full, which requires
the sufferer to say, "Stop me before I kill you."
Clearly, much more
research is required to develop effective treatment protocols.
Meanwhile the general public is advised to exercise great
caution when seeking healing.
SickofDoctors.com
January 1, 2003
| 