If you’re
looking for a good laugh then keep on reading. I received the following
excerpts from medical records in an e-mail and thought you’d
find them as amusing as I did.
is truly an important part of health.
The following quotes were taken from actual medical records, as
dictated by physicians
| "Patient
has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities." |
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She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states
she was very hot in bed last night.
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The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
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Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
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Skin: Somewhat pale but present.
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The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took
a job as a stock broker instead.
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The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
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Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
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Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
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I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical
therapy.
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She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life
until she got a divorce.
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Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
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Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
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Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
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Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we
should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
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By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and
he was feeling better.
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Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over
a year.
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On the second day the knee was better and on the third day
it had completely disappeared.
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The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing
me in 1983.
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The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears
to be depressed.
| "Discharge
status: Alive but without permission.." |
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Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
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Healthy-appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert
but forgetful.
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The patient refused an autopsy.
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The patient has no past history of suicides.
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The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
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Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
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The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant,
with only a 40-pound weight gain in the past three days.
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She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate
directions in early December.
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Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
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The patient was in his usual state of good health until his
airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
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She is numb from her toes down.
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The skin was moist and dry.
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Patient was alert and unresponsive.
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When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room