Dr. Mercola May 31 2008 49,051 views
The book "Take Your Time -- Finding Balance in a Hurried World," by Eknath Easwaran, contains the following passage:
"Most relationships begin to fall apart through disagreements, and disagreements are not settled by argumentation and logic. They are resolved -- or, more accurately, dissolved -- through patience. Without patience you start retaliating, and the other person gets more upset and retaliates too. Instead of retaliating with a curt reply, slow down and refrain from answering immediately. As soon as you can manage it, try a smile and a sympathetic word.
"So much of the richness of life is to be found in companionship that I cannot stress strongly enough how important it is to heal bonds that have weakened and to bring freshness back to relationships that have grown stale."
This is very true.
What’s more, the less you try to force things, the faster they seem to happen. The more you try to force things, the longer you usually wait for results.
You might want to ask yourself the following questions, and trust your first responses:
What am I pushing to happen right now? With whom do I tend to be most impatient? In recognizing my impatience, can I become more patient with this individual? In what other areas of my life will increased patience serve me? What action is required in my life at this time?
What am I pushing to happen right now?
With whom do I tend to be most impatient?
In recognizing my impatience, can I become more patient with this individual?
In what other areas of my life will increased patience serve me?
What action is required in my life at this time?
I believe the adage that whatever you give attention to is what you tend to create more of in your life, so focusing on growing more patient in your relations to others is a win-win all around. Because, in the end, you suffer as much from your impatience as the person on the receiving end.
Learning to take the wires off your hot-buttons is perhaps the most effective way to reduce your overall stress and increase your happiness and well-being.
What’s Underneath Your Hot-Buttons?
If you're like most people, you have at least one person in your life whose behavior burns you up.
Whether your partner leaves clothes on the floor ... or your coworker is condescending ... or your children are walking around with built-in earplugs to everything you say, you know you can't control them.
The only thing you can control is your reaction to their behavior.
I'm not condoning their behavior, and I’m not saying you have to either. But wouldn't it feel good not to react in the same old way? You've asked them a hundred times ... but they still leave a mess in the bathroom or leave the cap off the toothpaste.
Sometimes you might even be surprised by the strength of your response... you feel the anger brewing inside ... you clench your fists ... grit your teeth ... and then you go off on the scoundrel who left socks on the floor.
But is it really just about the socks?
What's REALLY fueling your response? The socks on the floor might be the thing that sparks off an old, unresolved emotion or trauma. Those unresolved emotions often get bottled up. Until someone pushes your buttons, that is ... and off you go.
Wouldn’t it be great if you could rewire those buttons so that when someone does push them, nothing happens, and you’re able to stay calm and respond with love and patience?
Good News! You CAN Rewire Your Hot-Buttons
You can easily do this rewiring yourself with Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT).
EFT empowers you to take control of the way you operate when you're annoyed. This do-it-yourself emotional acupuncture technique helps you to rewire your subtle energy system, and soothe your circuits so things don't bug you as much.
Now, EFT doesn't claim to solve all your relationship woes, but you are likely to feel better about 80 percent of the time. And that can mean a lot if you are looking to maximize friendship and romance.
You can learn the basics of EFT in my free online manual. It takes just a few minutes and can help you to conquer those destructive triggers quickly and easily, putting back the "elation" into your relationships.
Communicate, communicate, communicate. If a husband and wife learn the art of communication they will have a happy lasting relationship. Believe me that takes patience.
Good article, Dr. Mercola. To think I paid a therapist thousands of dollars to hear..."treat the other person how you would like to be treated". It's amazing how we forget that very simple rule from kindergarten when we get married.
...it was worth every penny. Married to my highschool sweetheart 19 years tomorrow.
USMom68~
Congratulations! Marriage is never easy, but definitely worth it....
When it comes to the marriage relationship I think the most CRUCIL bit of info is understanding the basic difference in the way men and women think and express themselves --- which is directly related to the way in which our brains are WIRED --- MEN are wired to use primarily the LEFT side of the brain which ic the LOGIC side ---- WOMEN on the other hand are wired to use BOTH sides together --- the LOGIC side and the RIGHT side which is the CREATIVE side --- this explains why men tend too be PROBLEM SOLVERS and MAP READERS ---- while women tend to TALK AROUND PROBLEMS and INJECT EMOTIONS into them --- ( which can drive males whacko and TEST THEIR PATIENCE ) ---- but women can also come up with CREATIVE SOLUTIONS to problems that may elude LOGICAL MALES ------- and unfortuneately some women can use their DUAL brain talents to CONFUSE and CONTROL males --- just as some males can use their superior strength and MALE SEX DRIVE to dominate and control women --- those are of course the " extremes " of gender differences --- but in a "NORMAL " relationship --- just understanding these basic differences between male and female thinking can go a LONG WAY TORWARDS PROVIDING MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING AND PATIENCE IN A RELATIONSHIP
and I have found a WACKY sense of humor about the male female relationship also invalualble---- I like to TEASE women I know about DISCOVERING THE SECRET OF THE FEMININE MYSTIQUE--- it is simply their DUAL BRAIN ABILITY to CONFUSE us poor males who are stuck with our left brain logic that fails us MISERABLY when it comes to SORTING IT ALL OUT ---- GET THIS --- I actually had one female clerk get angry at me --- apparently for exsposing what she thought LAY HIDDEN from all us unsuspecting males ---- AND ONE FINALL THOUGHT --- I think that it is PAINFULLY OBVIOUS that there is way too much MALE LOGIC at work in the world today " WINING AT ALL COSTS " ( regardless of the cost ) --- PROFITS ARE EVERYTHING --- etc -- etc CHUBBY
Hi Everyone,
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Marco in Dallas.
No one was patient before the bible was published?
My husband is bipolar 2. I have had to learn patience and then some. Believe me I am not always good
about it either, but I try my best.
You're not alone. Usually I can tell when he's instigating, suggesting or plain
old trying to get me mad. He really brings out a short temper and its better to
just walk away before he says something else. I've seen him do this to those
who don't know what he's up to. Some people like to see just how far they can
push it.
Arizona,
I have no clue whether or not this will be helpful to you, or what approach your husband is taking to treat his bipolar2, but thought I might as well share this website with you:
www.truehope.com
This is a Canadian company that sells a vitamin/mineral/amino acid supplement called EMPower Plus that has helped many with bipolar live normal, sane lives. I personally take EMPower Plus and know it did much for my mood disorders. It didn't cure me 100%, but I am sure it did MUCH more than I realize. Really, for all I know, it might have saved my life. It kept me from going on medication, it caused my suicidal thoughts and urges to go away. It got rid of my, uh, fits (when I used to want to slam doors and smash glass). It gave me back so much of myself.
The people at Truehope are genuine. They aren't out to make a ton of money. They are there to help others become well without drugs.
Here's the first video in a Discovery Channel documentary on Truehope's story:
www.youtube.com/watch
(There are five videos total.) It is a sad but beautiful story.