A man goes to his doctor and says, "I don't think my wife's hearing is as good as it used to be. What should I do?"
The doctor replies, "Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand 15 feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn't respond keep moving closer and asking the question until she hears you."
The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands 15 feet behind her and says, "What's for dinner, honey?" He gets no response, so he moves to 10 feet behind her and asks again. Still no response, so he moves to five feet -- still no answer. Finally he stands directly behind her and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
She replies, "For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN!"
A List of Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery:
- Has anyone seen my watch?
- Come back with that! Bad Dog!
- Wait a minute. If this is his spleen, then what's that?
- Hand me that ... uh ... that uh ... thingy
- There go the lights again ...
- Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
- Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.
- What do you mean, he's not insured?
- FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!
A man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."
"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."
"OK," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."
Three elderly men are at the doctor's office for a memory test. The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three?"
"274" is his reply.
The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling and says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?"
"Tuesday," replies the second man.
The doctor shakes his head sadly then asks the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?"
"Nine," says the third man.
"That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?"
"Simple," he says, "just subtract 274 from Tuesday."
A woman went to see her doctor. After about 15 minutes with one of the new doctors, she went screaming down the hall. Another doctor stopped and asked her what the problem was and she explained.
The second doctor went back to the first and said, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old. She has four grown children and seven grandchildren and you told her she was pregnant?"
The new doctor simply smiled and said, "Cured her hiccups though, didn't it?"