Do you need to tell someone they’re doing something wrong?

This Lifehack article points out a few valuable tips and tricks that can, if used with the right intention, soften the inevitable blow that comes with the territory of criticism.

Although you may contend that using terms like “constructive criticism” or “feedback,” instead of just plain “criticism,”  will change the way it’s received, putting fancy names on it won’t necessarily make the other feel any better.

There are some ways, however, that can help you deliver the message more effectively, and lessen the negative impact. After all, when you criticize someone’s actions, your intention (hopefully) is for him or her to improve at something, not feel so demoralized that they give up completely.

So, how can you criticize others without becoming the enemy?

1. Point out how easy it is to make that mistake. Saying things like, “I’ve made the same mistake myself,” keeps you from sounding    superior, and lets them know you understand how the mistake happened.

2. Speak your criticism in a natural, polite, even friendly way. Your tone of voice does make a huge difference, compared to criticism delivered with sarcasm, anger, or condescension. After all, mistakes happen -- they’re part of life, and most can be fixed. This technique also lets people know that you are criticizing what they did, not who they are, and that they’re still a likeable person.

3. Smile. Smiling, even when you don’t quite feel like it, makes it easier to relax, and finding some humor in the situation can defuse tension.

4. Choose your battles. Criticizing people over every minute detail is like acting out “the boy who cried wolf.” Then, when something serious needs correcting, people have already developed an aversion to your critical nature and are less likely to respond effectively.

Although the author of this article recommends starting off with praise before you criticize, it can often be more effective to finish the conversation with praise. What do you tend to remember most? The first thing someone said to you, or the last?

Finishing off with something positive can leave you both feeling better about each other and the situation.

Lifehack.org August 13, 2007