Avoiding verbal aggression such as yelling at or insulting a partner may be the key to increased intimacy, according to a survey of 94 dating couples.
The participating couples--college students who had been in the relationship for an average of two years--filled out questionnaires to assess intimacy and conflict in their relationships.
While positive responses to conflict, such as reasoning or discussing the issue, did not increase intimacy, negative behaviors, such as nagging and throwing insults at their partners, lowered the feeling on intimacy.
Researchers reason that yelling at your partner will have more of an effect than doing something nice for him or her.
Previous studies have found similar results indicating that couples in long-term relationships tend to be more affected by negative than positive behaviors.
Relationship conflicts have also been linked to depression, eating disorders, excessive drinking, heart disease and chronic pain, researchers noted.
Annual Meeting Society for Personality and Social Psychology Los Angeles, CA February 13, 2003
Having a joyful marriage is unfortunately the exception rather than the rule in this country. This is tragic as your happiness and ability to be optimally productive in your life is severely limited when you are not in a happy relationship with your spouse.
Fortunately, there are some simple tools that can help you address the basic underlying issues that are described in the above study as well as in the links below. Most of the time we know what we need to do; the problem is that we just can’t do it.
The difficulty that is often encountered when attempting to deal with these challenges is usually related to blocks in our subconscious, which sabotage our efforts to successfully implement these changes. No matter how hard we try we just can’t seem to succeed.
EFT is profoundly effective in helping to neutralize these emotional barriers. I realize that some people are wary of this technique, but it can actually help you to implement positive goals and affirmations in your marriage.
Review my free report on EFT to reap some of the benefits immediately. My EFT Series is also available for those who want more in-depth instruction.
For practical instructions on how to incorporate some of these changes into your marriage, there is no finer resource that I know of than the book Fighting For Your Marriage.
I generally give this book to all the couples I know who are planning to get married. It is a valuable source of information for positively handling disagreements between you and your spouse, which, as the above study confirms, will increase the success of your relationship.
If you are facing challenges in your marriage, I cannot say enough about how important these two resources can be for restoring happiness in your relationship. Even if your marriage is going well, consider these resources as a way to make it even better.
Related Articles:
Fighting for Your Marriage: Positive Steps for Preventing Divorce and Preserving a Lasting Love (New and Revised) by Howard J. Markman, Scott M. Stanley, Susan L. Blumberg See Related Article "A book that I STRONGLY recommend to couples is 'Fighting for Your Marriage' by Markman, Stanley and Blumberg... The book provides some very practical communication strategies for couples..." Your Keys to Happy Marriage Happy Couples Use Humor, Soft Approach
Fighting for Your Marriage: Positive Steps for Preventing Divorce and Preserving a Lasting Love (New and Revised)
by Howard J. Markman, Scott M. Stanley, Susan L. Blumberg
See Related Article
"A book that I STRONGLY recommend to couples is 'Fighting for Your Marriage' by Markman, Stanley and Blumberg... The book provides some very practical communication strategies for couples..."
Your Keys to Happy Marriage
Happy Couples Use Humor, Soft Approach