Do you believe that frequent fighting, or the topics of your fights, can influence your physical health? Wrong, says new research. Turns out it’s really how you fight, and how you react to and resolve conflict, that matters. And, the impact on your physical health varies dramatically, depending on whether you’re a man or a woman.
One fighting style in particular garnered special attention. So-called “self-silencing” – keeping quiet during a fight – is especially damaging to women’s health, whereas bottling it up did not have a measurable impact on the physiology of men.
A study of nearly 4,000 men and women from Framingham, Mass. revealed that 32 percent of men, and 23 percent of women typically kept their feelings bottled up during marital spats. Women who didn’t speak their minds in those fights were four times more likely to die during the 10-year study period as women who always spoke their minds.
In fact, self-silencing takes a surprising physical toll on women. Other studies have linked the trait to numerous psychological and physical health risks, including:
Additionally, the way you interact during marital arguments is as important a heart risk factor as whether you smoke or have high cholesterol, says Timothy W. Smith, a psychology professor at the University of Utah.
For women, whether a husband’s arguing style is warm or hostile had the biggest impact on her heart health.
Interestingly, the level of warmth or hostility had no impact on men’s heart health. Instead, the men’s heart risk increased if disagreements with his wife involved a battle for control – regardless of whether he, or his wife, was the one vying for control.
Psychosomatic Medicine July 18, 2007; 69(6):509-13
New York Times October 2, 2007
Mounting evidence is proving, beyond a doubt, that your emotions -- both positive and negative -- play a far greater role in your physical health than conventional medicine ever imagined. There have been quite a few studies done on this topic, and they all point in the same direction. Lingering hostility and running arguments with your spouse do not do your body good.
Another study, which looked at women’s overall happiness with their husbands (as opposed to their fighting style), found that women who were unhappy with their husbands, and experienced high stress within their marriage, caused “wear and tear” on their bodies and increased their risk of heart disease.
The researchers postulated that it might have been due to habitual elevations in heart rate, blood pressure, and stress hormones.
Other behaviors linked with stress, such as sleeplessness and changes in eating and exercise, might also exacerbate these health problems.
Yet another study came to a similar conclusion as the article above; domineering men increased their risk of clogged arteries by 150 percent. They also found that women who were hostile doubled their number of cardiovascular blockages. The men whose bodies showed the least amount of atherosclerosis were those in relationships in which both spouses could discuss a problem without being controlling.
These are all pieces of evidence that happier people are also generally healthier. Stress, of all kinds, is a key factor in any illness, and it plays a major role in the health of nearly every patient that comes to my clinic.
To completely eliminate stress from your marriage may be virtually impossible, and probably unhealthy. It is not that arguing, or stress itself, is unhealthy; without tension, you might just become bored to death. But as they pointed out in this article, HOW you argue – your level of warmth or hostility – can make a huge difference in the amount of stress you experience.
A good example of this was the two verbal exchanges between two couples during a fight about money.
One man said to his wife, “Did you pass elementary school math?” whereas the other said, “Bless you, you are not so good with the checkbook, but you are good at other things.”
You can FEEL the difference!
If you tend to keep your feelings all bottled up, I highly recommend EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), to help you release them safely and effectively.
Conventional stress-management protocols like meditation, relaxation exercises, deep breathing, or anti-anxiety medication may help you cope with stress. But they don’t address the cause of your stress.
EFT, on the other hand, targets your disrupted energy meridian system, which is the real driver behind heightened stress levels. EFT’s simple do-it-yourself acupressure technique balances out your energy, thereby eliminating your body’s and mind's damaging stress response, which is the cause of so many ailments and illnesses.
In addition to that, for great tips on how to achieve and maintain a happy, healthy marriage, check out the links in my related articles. And, kindly share them with your spouse!